Doomed from the start?

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In almost two years of researching about Jeremy Delle, my opinion of him, his fate and his loved ones has changed a lot. I used to be, at the very beginning, one of those people who victimize Jeremy and demonize his family. With time, I started reading and reading, and researching. And I started writing.

My whole trilogy, No more "Later Days", that I'm still working on, more than 600 pages and one year later; is nothing but an alternate reality where Jeremy gets the help he needed. Being loyal (where possible) to the actual events, it aims at seeing and understanding the situation through the eyes of someone who goes from being an outsider to an insider. And through these eyes, you get to really understand the situation, how really complicated it was, and how actually complicated was dealing with someone like Jeremy. Because I too was one of those people who used to say: "I'm sure that he did what he did because nobody loved him enough."... but I soon learned that he actually had lots of people who loved him. Unfortunately, he was in too much pain to notice it.

The Jeremy I portray in PART 2 of my novel, the one with the anger outbursts, the paranoia, the random angry accusations, the impulsive actions and the sometimes suffocating, needy attitude is based on what I've read about him and what I've read about a disorder I am practically sure Jeremy suffered from - Borderline Personality Disorder (+ source, “October 1990″, in bold). The signs were all there. 

Despite this, I am sure that in no way I've come close to representing what really it was like dealing with someone who suffers from such a difficult condition - or being a loved one of such a person.

I've finally reached the moment, in PART 3, where my character does an extensive research to find the right kind of therapy that could potentially save Jeremy's life, and where she has to illustrate her research to the boy's family and convince them to try that. I’ve always found comfort in the idea that Jeremy could be saved, even in an alternate reality... but god, how I wish things had been that simple, and I feel stupid for finding out about all this now. Two years after first reading about Jeremy.

Basically, here's what I've found (with sources).

• Borderline Personality Disorder was only discovered in the late 70s and people started researching about it during the 80s. BPD doesn't have a precise set of meds that can deal with all its symptoms (unlike in Bipolar Disorder). Some can work, but they are ineffective if not supported by a great deal of therapy.

• Now, the most valid kind of therapy is Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which basically teaches you how to accept your feelings, analyze them and subsequently deal with them and correct them. It aims at building a relationship of alliance between the patient and the therapist. It's all about dialogue and forgiveness, basically.

So, when was DBT invented? Officially, around 1991-1993, by a psychologist from New York. Jeremy was already gone.

So, what was there before DBT, which means around Jeremy's time?

Well, some kind of therapies that are still used and valid to treat BPD today, but which were still too recent at the time (developed in mid 1980s). Patients were either treated with the classic Psychoanalitic Treatment (you just talk about your problems) or with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which was an evolution of cognitive therapy and behavioral therapy, both developed in the 1960s.

The problem was that CBT at the time wasn't always successful in treating BPD patients, and it often made them feel criticized and misunderstood, leading to them abandoning therapy.

However, a 2006 study about the effectiveness of CBT over BPD patients showed that associating normal therapy to sessions of CBT did bring some positive changes to BPD patients - that being reporting fewer suicide attempts, anxiety levels, lower symptom distress and fewer dysfunctional cognitions. 

It didn’t serve to bring positive changes for all the symptoms, but I guess that, compared to the “classic” type of psychotherapy, that was something. However, I highly doubt Jeremy was subjected to this kind of therapy. 

• But doctors, what about good doctors that at least offered this kind of therapy? 

Well... good luck in finding them in Texas. All the info I've found about these type of therapies come from doctors who were working on the East Coast - New York, Washington... good luck in finding modern, effective therapy in literally the least modern state of the US - a state which legalized homosexuality only in year 2003, just to let you understand its "modernity"!

• So what about Timberlawn, the infamous, most well-reviewed mental institution in Dallas at the time?

There was no way Jeremy's parents could know the truth about that hospital - a truth that we know today -, but even though I don't know what happened to Jeremy while he was in there (some people did say Timberlawn helped them, by the way), I can confidently say, judging by all the horrible stories from former inpatients and staff that I've read; that Timberlawn was in no way equipped in treating the boy's issues on a long-term level. And it was expensive for everyone, I don't even need to tell you how much things cost in the US.

Plus, we all know Jeremy's was kicked out of Timberlawn as soon as his insurance money ran out (see under: ”INFORMATION UPDATE” and “ The Interview - Interview with RHS Employee Regarding Jeremy”). This can already tell you how much that hospital cared about its patients.

I was listening to a podcast by Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day's lead singer, the other day, and Billie told how he started suffering from panic attacks when he was younger (during the 90s), and he said that speaking about mental health was such a huge taboo and that no one would ever say how they actually felt in fear of being seen as crazy. Can you imagine having Jeremy's issues and living in a era like that?

And also, can you imagine being the kid who spent six months in a mental institution (three of which as an inpatient) and moving to another school full of rich kids where you don't know anyone and you need help, so you go around and say stupid things for attention, and someone takes you seriously, reports you to the administration and next thing you know, your days or week in In-School Suspension become ONE ENTIRE MONTH?

Do you know how ISS is like? It's basically like solitary confinement for schools (see under: “INFORMATION UPDATE” -> “NOTE”). I'm not kidding. Apparently they put you in a room with your desk against the wall and you can't talk to anyone all day. Imagine being extremely fragile and troubled, coming out of a mental institution only to be placed for god knows what reason in solitary confinement for one entire month. No wonder Jeremy started skipping school more and more often... the poor kid.

While I refrain from accusing his loved ones because now I feel like I understand them, I have no issue saying that Richardson High School and the people who run it mishandled the whole situation. Horribly. 

But what can we say about his loved ones, then? Well, I am sure things could have been managed differently but none of us was there so we can't judge. 

But I believe Mr. Delle when he said that Jeremy had a tendency in lying, I can understand how frustrated he must have felt having a son that would keep getting into trouble. Now we know that when kids act like that it's because they are in desperate need for help, but who could actually know much in a time where people would never talk about mental health? How could you actually know if you came from a generation that knew nothing about psychology and would just blame people like Jeremy instead of trying to help them?

And what about Nancy? What about Michelle? They were both just kids and I challenge anyone to be able to deal with someone who had Jeremy's issues - these being (probably) BPD, depression and anxiety as well. 

I guess we could all agree that Michelle's behavior in misleading Jeremy could be blamed, I guess we could all say that she did him wrong. But have we forgotten that Jeremy and Michelle met in a psychiatric hospital? 

I don't remember if people know why Michelle was in that hospital in the first place, but let me tell you, that poor girl was already going through so much at just sixteen years of age. You can't expect anyone to always make the right choices, especially a troubled kid that keeps getting in and out of mental institutions. You just can't.

So, this is the truth: no one could really be blamed. And I know some people reading this will be like: "No shit Sherlock!", but the truth is that I still read comments like that under youtube videos, in facebook posts - basically everywhere. Comments that used to be mine, until by researching for this trilogy of mine that I'm writing, I got the chance to really dive into and experience a small portion of that reality, even if just in a story. I tried to understand, I tried to make the right choices despite all the issues. But I understood that things can go to shit even if you meticulously plan every action you take. And it sucks.

So, to conclude this.

People could have made better choices and I guess that Jeremy (probably) developed Borderline Personality Disorder in reaction to childhood trauma or neglect (70% of BPD patients have a history of abuse or neglect), but of course, I cannot be sure, this is just a supposition of mine. But surely, it could have been avoided. 

Still, I believe better actions should have been taken years before that January 1991. However, the truth is that the people around Jeremy did try to help him. Even his parents, they even sent Jeremy to a private therapist after Timberlawn and Mr. Delle was so desperate that he had police to arrest HIS OWN SON so that he could be placed in a better institution that could deal with troubled kids like him. I don't think they completely abandoned him.

What I actually believe now, is that institutions failed him. RHS being the first, Timberlawn too.

BPD is really difficult to treat even TODAY, thirty years later, and Jeremy Delle's misfortune (and the one of all the other kids who, like him, are not around anymore) was that he was born too soon in a world that wasn't equipped in dealing with people like him yet.

And... it's just heartbreaking.